Star Wars sucks, and that's a fact

I have fled the living room where the kids are watching Attack of the Clowns, in preparation for Revenge of the Colander. Now maybe my negative attitude has something to do with the strange order in which I watched these films, rather than an allergy for talking teddy bears, but I doubt it.

You see, the first Star Wars movie I watched was the second one, the ice planet one, what's it called? Return of the Jedi?, thinking it was the first one. Then, while I was living in the States some friends learned that I'd only ever seen one Star Wars movie, and suggested we watch another. 'Fine,' I said. 'Better make it the second one, 'cos I've seen the first one.' Imagine my surprise when the opening scene is the whole ice planet thing all over. 'Boy, these movies are repetitive. Surely with all the money they raked in on the first one, they could have invested in some new sets.' An aside to people who've only watched the last two episodes, ugh, the ones that are now called I and II, they used to shoot films on sets, which are basically recreations of actual places, that look kinda real from the angle that the camera shoots from. Now, of course, your typical blockbuster is shot against a mountain-sized blue screen, and a bunch of glorified cartoonist, no not cartoonists, drawing-monkeys, color in the rest of the shot. That's why the actors constantly look like they've no idea where they are or what they're looking at. Because they haven't. Because they don't.

The only good news is that there won't now be a third trilogy. I love the way they shovelled that fact under the carpet. Like the Colander was always going to be the end of the story. And, anyway, the end? How can episode III of VI be the end? Or is Sith a typo for Sixth? I don't know anymore, and frankly, my dear, I don't care.