Conversations with random Xs - I

ME - Hey, what's this book on Feng Shui doing here? You don't believe in this stuff, do you?

HER - Sure I do. It really works. I have been trying to change things around.

ME - Ah. Is that why the microwave is in the bathroom...

HER - The only problem with this appartment, my place of work should be in the east, and that's where my bedroom is.

ME - Well, maybe you should just change your line of work...

Some hippie

I've got some hippie in me, apparently. Check out the Hippie Quiz.

Here's how my score breaks down (it's a bit like one of those 'do you remember when' Simpson or Friends episodes):

For each inch your hair reaches past your shoulders - give yourself 2 pts.
I don't see why I should be punished for being folicly challenged, but I'll be honest, 0 points.

For males- if you have gotten flack for having long hair - add 2 pts.
I used to have long hair and always had the mickey taken, so I'll give myself 2 points for this.

If your home is decorated with homemade art - add 10 pts.
Yep, photograms decorating the walls, children's paintings, homemade cd shelves with spotlights (trust me, it's a work of art).

If you do pottery - add 2 pts.
Check it out!

If you were at Woodstock - add 10 pts.
No, but I met the guy who directed the movie, so how many points is that? But, again, I'll be honest.

Who is your favorite Beatle?

* If it is John - add 4 points
* George - add 3 points
* Ringo - add 2 points
* Paul - add 1 point

Mmh, don't like the Beatles much, but it'd have to be John.

If you own an incense burner - add 2 pts.
Yep, that's me.

If you have written a song protesting war, bucking the establishment, or containing a reference to illegal drugs - add 5 pts
Yes, yes, and... yes.

If you have written songs about all three - add 10 pts.
Whoopee! Check out this little dittie.

If you were actually alive in the 1960s - add 3 pts
Haha, we're rolling now.

If you've taken part in a peace march - add 2 pts
What, 2 measly points! I'll kick your head in, I'll... no wait.

If you've started a petition - add 2 pts
Actually, I didn't give myself any points for this, but one second thought I'll count the nomination list for the local elections. It's kind of a petition.

If you've ever received junk mail addressed to "dear radical" - add 5 pts
I'm sure I have.

If you're a vegetarian - add 5 pts
How many points do I get for being a vegan?

If you think money is the root of all evil - add 2 pts
Root, trunk and branch, baby.

If you've been to San Francisco - add 1 pt
Frisco, baby.

If you've lived in a commune - add 10pts
Lived in one? I was borne in the world's largest commune! Check it out! But honestly, no.

If you own a tie dyed article of clothing - add 2 pts
Well, yes actually. One of those things left in my wardrobe after another broken relationship. There should be a name for those.

If you did not dye it yourself - subtract 1 pt
Dang!

If you own any clothing items made of hemp - add 2 pts.
Ooh, plenty. Is that 2 points for each item? Here's where I get them...

If you have practiced Transcendental Meditation, have seriously studied Eastern religion, or been a Jesus freak - add 5 pts
What, no points for lucid dreaming?

If you have had a chemically induced spiritual experience - add 5 pts
Man, that was good pot!

If you voted for Ronald Reagan - subtract 200 pts
What, only 200?

Scoring

Well, I believe I'm stuck at 61.

Anything under 10- You are the establishment.
11-79- You've got some hippie in you, hang out a while.
80-100- Yes, my friend, you're a hippie. Isn't it far out?
100 and above- Wow man, now I don't want to put any labels on you, but you're
absolutely a hippie.

But I should be awarded extra points for having Crumb and the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers albums.

Serendipitous Aphorism - IV

'War has a tendency to encourage a depressing dearth of view.'
- Dick 'Duck' Duck

Serendipitous Aphorism - III

'Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.'
- Donald 'Duck!' Rumsfeld

The New Sears Weapons Catalog

Coe Fen toward sunset

Serendipitous Aphorism - II

The absence of absolute truth is relatively hard to grasp

Serendipitous Aphorism - I

If you blunder around in the dark long enough
You'll bump into the right tree

Wonderful Widgets

Here it is, my first, wonderfully amateuristic, widget:


(No points for guessing what it does.)

Posting from my dashboard

Tricky to keep my eyes on the road while typing. Yeah, same to you buddy. He's got a point though, better make this short. Check out the Dashblog widget (if this works, then again if it doesn't this won't reach you anyway).

Who are the real pushers?

I had a dream...

I had a dream the other night. Someone called from Hollywood and asked me to come up with the perfect sitcom. Well, I said, first off, no canned laughter, I hate that stuff. And I want it shot on location, not all stuffy sets. Okay, he said, wha' else. Who's gonna be in it. That's easy, the main character is Jason Lee, I just love him in Mallrats. But don't get Kevin Smith involved, he's gone all mainstream with that terrible Jersey Girl crap or whatever that was called. Who else? I don't know his name, but that fat guy with the hat in Mallrats, the one that can't see the 3D picture who didn't know what a schooner is... Nathan Uplee, is that his name. You mean Ethan Suplee. Whatever. Plus a bunch of goodlooking chicks. Plus like really good guest actors. Like that guy who played the gay guy that had his nipple rings twisted in The Opposite of Sex. Plus that guy that was in DPO, X-Files season, something. Ah, Giovanni Ribisi. I dunno, he was in Lost in Translation as well. Yes, that's the guy. So what's this show going to be about? I dunno. It needs some kind of story line, some kind of gimmick, but each episode needs to stand on its own. Look, I need to wake up and get ready for work. You figure something out.

And what do you know? This lucid dreaming stuff really works. Check out My Name is Earl.

Confused?

I understand some people are getting confused about the plethora of blogsites that are sprouting up under my name. Here's a roadmap:

• This blog was meant to be discontinued, but see post below.


• Platypus Bill & Friends is the blog of my good friend Bill. I just run it for him. It's a kind of a Pekar and Crumb relationship.


• My nano livejournal only operates during NaNoWriMo.


• My vegan year journal documents my besoignes (love that word) during my Vegan Year. Again blatantly stolen from Pekar.


• Dick Duck's SAS tips has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Okay, my picture appears on the profile, but that's just because Dick stole the CSS. Both Bill and myself think that Dick is an asshole. Please don't feed the duck's ego anymore and stay clear of this site.

See, it's not all that complicated really...

Well, fuck...

A friend of mine told me that this blog was worth more than a thousand dollar, so I checked it out, and sure 'nough...

My blog is worth $1,129.08.
How much is your blog worth?

So how do I lay my hands on this money? I'll sell it for an even thou'. Any takers?