Serendipitous Aphorism - XIII

You cannot be biased if you speak the truth...

Serendipitous Aphorism - XI & XII

The only way of stumbling upon novel truths is by being flippant.

You can't pluck the apples before the tree is blossoming.

I'm so fucking uninspired...

... that I feel like it/s time for a good rant. I went to my first, and I swear to high fucking heaven also my last Cambridge City Council meeting. It's so un-fucking-be-fucking-lievable quaint (y/all have to excuse me I/ve been listening to Bilbo Hicks right now). The mayor walks in carrying this big golden stick, like some fucking bishop, and all these medallions round his neck. All rise for the honourable mayor, or whatever. meeeh, all these councillors and onlookers rise like a flock of sheep, and I/m sitting there, what the fuck/s going on?
I finally decide to stand up, because I feel like I/m missing out on the action here, when the notary, or whatever, says, let/s say a prayer. Fuck that, I/m down on my seat again. I swear he's got this book, something like, vaguely non-denominational prayers to start council meetings, and starts reading.
What follows is utter tedium. The LibDems hold sway in the council with something like a two-thirds majority, and boy these arrogant bastards have got a swagger to their step, like they are masters of the universe. And, sorry you won't know who I/m talking about, I will have to get this off my chest, Colin Rosenstiel, a guy I used to work with and who got fired for being grossly incompetent, and this from a company that never sold anything, is the rudest, most arrogant, either disingenuous or stupid or quite possibly both, I was gonna say human being, but I don't wanna insult y/all by even putting you in the same bracket.
Some members of the public were allowed to ask some question, and this fat LibDem arrogant prick turns around in the middle of the question and starts chatting to they councillor behind him. 'Excuse, me, could you please listen when I/m talking to you!' Haha, the guy was embarrassed, and rightfully so. Didn't take him long to regain his pompous composure though.
So after about two hours all that had happened was that a bunch of old people who had been promised that their council housing would be safe had been screwed out of their homes.
I don't know where I/m going with this, but I just had to get it off my chest, where it was sitting like a lead anvil. There, that's better, I can breathe again now.
And to think I am standing for the district council. My biggest fear is that only three people turn up and two of them will vote for me. I had already decided to cast a blank vote myself.

Serendipitous Aphorism - X

It is the function of the experts, and the mainstream media, to normalise the unthinkable for the general public.
- Edward Herman

So long and thanks for all the vegan snacks...

Is this the coolest widget or what? Reminds me of the Death cigarettes a friend of mine used to smoke. They had whiskey, too.

I guess it's pretty pointless making any plans for 2050.

Just noticed how both the day and the year add up to 6. Plus I've been haunted by the number 49 all my life, so it all figures.

Scientology got me maybe not so sussed...

Dear Bill,

How are you doing in the understanding of your different personality traits
on the personality test you took?

Regards,

Janne Bjork

Uh, I'm confused. Did you just willfully ignore my questions about your treatment of homosexuals and women? I think you did. That's very mendacious. Okay, so I didn't give you my real name, well, in a sense I did, I'm Bill and I'm Mark, they're just different guises.

I would like to write more, but I'm right in the middle of a good dictionary, so this'll have to do.

Mark/Bill

Cambridge City Council Graffiti Removal Targets

According to their website, the Cambridge City Council aims to remove all graffiti 'at source' [sic]. Presumably this is just a staging post, and the ultimate solution will be to remove it remotely, from the comfort of their Guildhall offices.
Offending graffiti will be removed within one day, which is strange, because illegally parked vehicles blocking bicycle lanes take at least a week.
Graffiti that doesn't offend will take up to five days. I don't see how that works, because you can't say anything these days without offending someone, even if the information is factual, such as 'Starbucks coffee sucks'.

Serendipitous Aphorism - IX

In vain you tell me that Artificial Government is good, but that I fall out only with the Abuse. The Thing! The Thing itself is the Abuse!
Edmund Burke, A Vindication of Natural Society

Starbucks i$n't...

Here's what a real espresso looks like. Ignore the 'Whittard' on the shotglass, their coffee is *$&^#. This is from 'the man on the market' in Cambridge, my own 3:1 blend of organic fairtrade Sumatra (smooth but potent) and fairtrade Brazilian Santos (for a bit of bite). This is right at the end of the pour - see what I mean by the Guinness effect (much as I hate to use this term as a vegan)? Also notice the smoothness of the crema. Just like Irish stout, the layer of crema will thicken as it bubbles up to the top.

I'll let you vote on it:

Your espresso looks a million times better than $tarbuck$!

Your espresso looks a thousand times better than $tarbuck$!

Your espresso looks ten times better than $tarbuck$!

Always listen to the man on the ball...

Starbucks i$...

This is what Starbucks espresso looks like according to them, and I think they got it just about right, it looks disgusting (like a buck's worth of tar, haha). Look at that crema, insubstantial and very coarse foam. And obviously this shot has been sitting around for a while (again true to type) for the Guinness effect has completely disappeared (crema rising to surface).
I thought I'd never say this but I laud $tarbuck$ for their honesty.
I'll see if I can replicate the image, show you what REAL espresso looks like (and fairtrade to boot).

$tarbucks is...

... serving sub standard coffee to below par human beings.

Serendipitous Aphorism - VIII

Is graffiti art or vandalism?
That word has a lot of negative connotations and it alienates people, so no, I don't like to use the word 'art' at all.
banksy

Scientology got me sussed?

No word from my good friend Janne at Scientology for many days now. But no fears, I have crafted a new secret identity, and have re-emersed myself into the shady world of Xenu haters.
I won't tell you more, in case we are being watched. Hey, I'm not paranoid, if you can find this, so can they... Hey, who are you anyway. Identify yourself. Come back! Cowards!

April is music month

I've been telling myself that the first month where the weather permits, I will set myself the task of writing and recording some songs. Three seems a reasonable number.

Today I started, and I'm not displeased with the results so far. Even my singing isn't as bad as I might've feared (then again, that's not saying much). The first song has as working title IVORY TOWER.

Here's a crappy sounding mp3...



Here's a much better quality (but much bigger - 6.7MB) aif...



Lyrics

YOU FEEL SO SMUG
IN YOUR IVORY TOWER
THINKING ALL THE WHILE
YOU'VE GOT ALL THE POWER

(BUT) I CAN TAKE IT AWAY (just as fast as it came)
ALMOST ANY TIME I CHOOSE (then there'd be nothing more to lose)
AS FAST AS IT CAME (i can take it away)
THEN THERE'D BE NOTHING MORE TO LOSE (almost any time i choose)

PS: the drums are a GarageBand loop, the rest is all me. Once the song is finished, and I have practised my drumming, I'll lay those down as well...